


Fight of the Lumberjack

by oxnate



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8892055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxnate/pseuds/oxnate
Summary: She never wanted to be a slayer...Buffy fights the tree-clone demons and lives out her dream.     Set in the Ritual of Faith Universe (between ch's 12 and 13), which has a far higher rating than this. You don't really need to read that to understand this, so if you're underage, don't.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rafestark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafestark/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Ritual](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3282542) by [rafestark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafestark/pseuds/rafestark). 



> Set in the Ritual of Faith Universe (between ch's 12 and 13), which has a far higher rating than this. You don't really need to read that to understand this, so if you're underage, don't.
> 
> Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Monty Python's Flying Circus and Monty Python: Quest for the Holy Grail are copyright and not created or owned by Oxnate or rafestark. References to characters, episodes, songs, sketches and all other intellectual property related to the show below are made for entertainment only and neither writer profits from it in any way. 
> 
> by Oxnate, inspired by rafestark.

_Previously on Ritual of Faith:_

_“That's true.” Xander agreed. “Oh – heads up.” He pointed to a group of three demons, who spotted the approaching humans at the same moment. Each of them moved grabbed a tree, and with a flash of light, the vegetation became clones of the demons._

_“'I never wanted to be a slayer.'” Buffy quoted, hefting her axe. “'I wanted to be...a lumberjack!'”_

Buffy charged into the fray.

“She's a lumberjack and she's okay - she slays all night and she she sleeps all day!” Xander sang in a surprisingly good voice as Buffy rushed the first formerly-tree-demon.

Buffy smiled to herself. She knew Xander would get the reference and she could always count on him and Monty Python to lighten the mood. The next part, she was not expecting.

“She cuts down demons, except for Spike  
He's not a threat no more.  
On weekends she goes shopping  
Two for the price of four!

She's a lumberjack and she's okay. She slays all night and she she sleeps all day!” Xander made up the new, demented verse on the spot.

Buffy outright laughed at that. As if she would ever buy something two for the price of four. But Xander wasn’t done yet.

“She cuts down demons, she jumps and twirls  
and punches really hard.  
She puts on fancy clothing  
and beats up things in bars.

She's a lumberjack and she's okay.  
She Slays all night and she she sleeps all day.”

Hmm. Not as original as the first verse, but still pretty impressive in Buffy’s opinion. She was too distracted to critique properly though, having to concentrate on killing the demons who were still making more copies of themselves.

“She cuts down demons wearing high heels,  
suspenders and a bra.  
She thinks they got that clothing  
from the closet of her mama.”

Buffy actually stopped fighting she was laughing so hard. Luckily the demons thought her behaviour so odd that they stopped as well, expecting some kind of trap. It wasn’t until Xander killed one of the real demons from behind that its clones started to move again. Buffy soon finished off the last of the regular demons and the rest of the copies turned back into trees.

The pair looked around the cemetery. It really did look like a demented lumberjack had been through. Half the trees in the area were now in chunks and chips all over the place. Those trees that were still standing were no longer in the places they had been an hour ago. One was even planted firmly over the top of a grave that didn’t even have grass growing on it yet.

“If it weren’t for the sex-pocalypse hanging over us, I’d make a bad pun about too much wood right now,” Buffy quipped.

“Then you’d have missed all the beaver puns you could have made instead,” Xander quipped back.

“On that note...” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Monty Python marathon instead?” Xander offered. “Anya won’t let me watch Holy Grail. The Bunny scene.”

“'I’ll bite your leg off!'” Buffy quoted.

“Careful. There’s a ‘short’ joke in there somewhere. 'On the count of three? One...two...five!'” Xander snickered as they made their way back to Buffy’s house, leaving the mess in the cemetery for the Parks and Rec guys to clean up during the day.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Xander’s double negative RE: Spike was intentional.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Twisting Python](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8908963) by [rafestark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafestark/pseuds/rafestark)




End file.
